House Arrest
by Elmosezbs
Summary: Mello and Near have both been sentenced to house arrest. Mello, Near, Matt, and L all find ways to get under each other's skin. Who will crack first? R&R plz. Yay 2nd chapter!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm taking a break from Chocolate and Video Games. I may even cancel it… I really don't like where it's going. This'll (hopefully) be funny.**

**House Arrest**

**Chapter 1**

"I sentence you both to house arrest for three months!" the judge banged his gavel on the desk. Mello sighed. " It would have been shorter if you had given me your names! And you both will be in the same house!"

"WHAT!? No! I can't stand being in the same room with Near for more than five minutes! You're saying I have to stay in the same house with his for three months!?" Mello screamed banging his fist down on the table.

"That is correct,"

"Can I bring friends over?" Mello asked the judge. Suddenly Matt popped into Mello's head. He smiled at the judge.

"…I would recommend it… you need someone to get you groceries," The judge said looking at the creepy smile on Mello's face. Near who had just been sitting there playing with a puzzle, putting it together then taking it apart, and so on. Had just been thinking about what Mello would do to him. Fearing that he might be beaten up or killed he spoke up.

"I think you should raid Mello's house before I stay there… He used to be in the mafia… he may have guns or knives," Near said finishing his puzzle.

"Actually I was hoping I could send in someone to keep an eye on you two…" the judge smiled.

'Please be Matt!" Mello hoped, but unfortunately his hopes were shattered.

"He's here in this room. Please stand up!" The judge called out to the back. A man in a coat and hat stood up and turned on a computer. A big L shape appeared on the screen.

"L!" Mello screamed and smiled.

"Ahem… hello Mello… Near… I hope you two can behave while I am watching over you. I won't hesitate to call the police and have either of you arrested…" Mello's smile faded when he heard that. "I am very disappointed in both of you… I thought that Matt would be involved… but I guess I was wrong. I will be at your house, Mello, tomorrow at six o'clock in the morning… in person. I will see you tomorrow," Watari click the computer off, and walked out. Mello sighed, and Near stood up. They both walked out of the courtroom. As soon as they were outside Mello shoved Near to a wall.

"Listen you little shit! I don't want you bugging me, or disturbing me, or even talking to me! So stay the fuck out of my way!" Mello shoved Near's head to the wall, and walked off. Near walked off also rubbing the back of his head.

"Wow… not a very nice house," Near noted as he walked into Mello's house. There were clothes on the floor and chocolate wrappers all over. "Well it's still pretty big," It was a three story house. Mello and Near both had the tracking devices on their ankles.

"I think Matt cleaned the downstairs room for you. That'll be your room. It has a pull out couch you can sleep on, a computer, t.v.and a couple game systems. It's a pretty big room too, but Matt'll be in there all the time so you may not be able to sleep," Mello explained. Near went down to his room, and noted how tidy it was.

'It's all right,' Near thought. He walked over to the computer and turned it on. I went to the user screen.

Matt

Mello

Near clicked on Mello. It had a password. Near thought for a moment, then typed down

_Nearsucks_. It worked. He looked over all of Mello's files… nothing incriminating… except the file _Ways to Kill Near. _He avoided that one.

"HEY! Get off my account!" Mello screamed from the doorway. Near quickly logged off.

"Sorry Mello…" Near apologized. Mello pointed at Near, and walked away. He clicked on the Matt user. It also had a password. Near typed down. _Videogames._ Nothing._ Cigarettes. _Again… nothing… hmm… _Melloissexy. _**Ding! **It was right. He clicked on Matt's files. And was very surprised at what he saw.

"Oh… my… GOD!"

Earlier while Near was on Mello's computer.

Mello was thinking about what he would do with Matt when he comes over. He still had to call him. 'Maybe we could play video games… or… that thing he always does to me… ooh! That always makes me smile,' Mello though. 'Or I could shoot him in the face for not backing me up! Now I have to stay in the same house as Near for three months,' Mello thought biting a big chunk out of his chocolate. He took a large swig of vodka. He had to get good and drunk to do something with Matt while Near was there.

'Wait! Near might be on my account!' Mello got up and ran down to where Near was. He saw that Near was, in fact, on his account going through his files.

"HEY! Get off my account. Mello screamed from the doorway. Near jumped, and logged off.

"Sorry Mello…" Near apologized. Mello pointed at Near, and walked away. He walked back upstairs, picked up the phone and dialed Matt's cell phone number. Ring… ring…

"Yo," came the voice from the other line.

"Matt, it's Mello. I have one night until L comes over. Get your sexy ass over here right now!" Mello ordered him like he was his bitch, (which he probably is).

"Alright… I just gotta go to the movie store and get something real quick, kay," Matt clicked the phone off. He sped off in his awesomely cool muscle car. Mello put the phone down on the table.

"GOD!" came a voice from downstairs. Mello ran down to see Near gawking at the computer. Even Mello was surprised at what he saw on the computer.

"Matt…" Mello writhed in anger.

**A/N: Well? What do you think of the first chapter? Oooh what does Matty have on his computer that's so surprising? Hehe Matt's password… review please!**

**Elmo: If you don't review… Elmo knows where you live!**

**Sez: Elmo don't threaten them!**

**Elmo: Elmo **_**does**_** know where they live!**

**Bs: Bs…**

**Elmosezbs: Guys! Sorry… please just review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Mello and Near looked at the sight on Matt's computer. Thousands of pictures, and videos… of Mello. Dirty Pictures.

Just then Matt walked in. "Hey Mel! I got a movie for tonight," he said looking down at the movie. "It's called- what are you guys looking at?"

"Matt… you said you would delete those!" Mello screamed. Matt looked at Mello shocked. He looked at the computer, then back to Mello. He just started laughing, so Mello punched him in the arm.

"Oh come on Mello! Near's too young to understand that!" Matt said raising his hand to Near. Near just sighed, and twirled a curl of hair between his fingers.

"It's not that! What if someone hacked your computer?" Mello almost questioned. "They would see me! What if another Kira appeared?! They could hack the computer, use the eyes and kill me!" Mello complained.

"Come on Mello… my computer is unhackable! It's been proven! So stop bitching like a little girl, and look at the artistic, and sexy body that is, well… you," Matt clicked one of the photos, but Mello manually turned the computer off.

"Matt… shut up…" Mello said crushing his lips into Matt's. He backed him up to a wall, and slid his hands up and down on the inside of Matt's vest.

Near turned the T.V. on to a documentary about dinosaurs. He looked into the box he had, and brought out his dinosaur toys. He heard crashing behind him. He looked, Mello and Matt were making out.

"Do that in your own room, please," Near said casually, and turned back to his toys. He heard Matt, and Mello run upstairs. The phone rang and made Near jump. He answered it.

"Hello?" he answered nervously.

"Good evening Near," said the voice on the other line. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm coming over a bit early.

"Near grinned evilly. "Of course not… come right over," Near smiled, and noticed the movie that Matt brought over. Obviously it was pornography. He picked it up along with a few condoms. He ran upstairs to the living room. He placed the movie and condoms on the table. Near knew that they were in Mello's room. So he ran to Matt's room, and lifted up his mattress to find a large stash of dirty magazines. He took a few then went back to the living room. He threw the magazines all over the place. He took the condoms to the kitchen, and placed them on the counter. He opened the refrigerator, and took out a few bottles of vodka. He dumped out one completely, and dumped one out halfway. He put them on the counter.

He took sugar, and flour, opened a condom, and filled it a little bit with sugar and flour. He turned the tap on, and filled the condom a little bit with water, and stirred it up. He did the same with the second, third, and fourth. The mixture was sticky and white, so it looked like semen. He put one carefully on the top of the couch, one on the table, one on the ground, and one on the TV. upstairs. He put the vodka bottles on the table. He took the movie, and put it in the DVD player. It was two women doing each other with strap-ons **(Uh oh getting into M a little bit…) **

Near thought his plan was so devious. He knew Mello would be embarrassed so much by this little prank. Usually when L visits Mello he always cleans up, and is nice and proper… but not today. Just then L pulled up into the driveway. He and Watari both stepped out of the car. L just walked to the door, while Watari was left carrying the bags. He rang the doorbell, and Near answered.

"Good evening Near… I was expecting Mello to answer…" L said with a smile. He hugged Near, and walked into the house. He listened to the movie playing upstairs. "Near what are you watching?"

"I'm watching a documentary downstairs. I have no idea what Mello is doing," Near answered. L walked upstairs, and saw the living room strewn with litter.

"Oh dear…" L said casually like he always does. He looked at the movie, and the magazines. Then he stepped on one of the condoms. He looked down. He had a shocked and disgusted look on his face. "…ew," He wiped his foot on the carpet. He saw the vodka bottles, and condoms strewn about. He just sighed.

"I… I think Mello's in his room," Near said nervously. L walked past him, and went to Mello's room. He was about to knock his door, when a nude Mello crashed out from it, and latched onto L's neck. Mello just stared at L. He stared at Mello in return.

"Ahem… Greetings Mello. Uh… please calm down." L had a stabbing pain in his thigh. Near was behind the corner snickering. Mello had to cover up. He grabbed a pillow, and covered his private part up. He cheeks were a beet red. Near had to see that. Mello stared at Near who was smiling at his prank. Mello's jaw flew open, and his cheeks weren't red from embarrassment, they were from anger.

"You are fucking dead Near!" Mello ran after Near still coving himself with a pillow. Matt stuck his head out from around the door. To see Mello running after Near.

"God Mello has a nice ass!" he exclaimed grinning like an idiot. L just sighed, and sat down on his butt in Mello's comfy chair.

"I'm getting too old for this…"

**Elmosezbs: So what did you think great, right! Near is such a jerk! I know I loved it! It took me forever to write**

**Elmo: Yeah! So appreciate it! Or Elmo will find you!**

**Sez: Elmo stop being suck a jack-ass, and be nice!**

**Bs: Bs…**

**Elmosezbs: Oh Jesus… well review please…**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry there's a bit of filler in this… sorry. Read and Review.**

**Chapter 3**

After two hours of running, L finally stopped them, and told Mello to put his clothes on. He told them to clean the entire house up.

"Hey L! After this can we watch the School of Rock?" Mello asked L who was sitting on the couch eating a piece of cake.

"Very well," L responded with a mouthful of cake. "Near are you finished with the dishes?"

"No," Near said unemotionally.

"Mello! Go help Near with the dishes. He's been in there for a while," L demanded finishing his cake. Mello sighed, and walked into the kitchen.

"L, Near broke two dishes!" Mello screamed.

"They're not mine…"

"And he left the cake out, so it's stale,"

"Near that was a fifty dollar cake…" L said with no emotion whatsoever. He got up from the couch, and walked into the kitchen. He picked up the cake, and left again. "Mmm that's still good cake,"

Mello put a ton of dishes into the sink. Some of the water fell out, and splashed onto Near. He gasped, and sighed. He saw Mello laughing. Near plotted an act of revenge. He picked up a large frying pan, got out of the way, and slammed it into the water. The water splashed onto Mello, all over his new vest.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" Mello pounced on Near, and started punching him in the face. Blood started streaming from Near's nose. He kneed Mello in the balls. Mello fell to the ground in pain. It was Near's turn to fight back. He jumped on Mello, and started punching _him_ in the face. He punched him so hard he cut Mello's head open. L walked into the room, and quickly separated them with his feet.

"Dammit! You kids really have to stop all this fighting!" L raised his voice. "Go clean yourselves up, and get to your rooms!"

"What about me?" Matt asked walking into the room.

"Matt _you_ have to keep cleaning," Matt snapped his fingers. Mello, and Near walked into the bathroom. L heard some obscenities then some crashing. L walked into the bathroom, and saw Near in the toilet with toilet paper wrapped around his head. L just shook his head, and pulled Mello off him. Near got out of the toilet and pulled Mello into the toilet. Mello screamed, and punched Near in the face. L kicked Mello in the gut lightly, and smacked Near in the back of the head.

"Near go change. You too Mello, and go to bed!" L pushed the two boys out of the door. He had to separate them again once they started brawling in the hallway. Mello, and Near walked in different directions after that. L sighed, and walked back into the living room.

"Are they always like that?" L asked Matt who was still cleaning.

"Oh yeah. I usually just let them go at it. They tire themselves out after a while,"

"Aren't you afraid they'll kill each other?" L said flipping on the T.V. Turning it to the discovery channel. "Hmm? Mythbusters is on…"

"Not really,"

"Do you like Mythbusters?"

"Yeah…"

"You can stop cleaning now… either go to bed… your own bed… or sit and watch Mythbusters with me," L said licking some icing off his cake. "Mmm strawberry…"

"I-I'll got bed," Matt said nervously walking away.

"Suit yourself," L said taking a bite out of his cake. L heard a scream come from downstairs. "Goddammit," L got up, and walked down.

He could see a figure in a monster mask. Sighing he picked the figure up by the collar of his shirt.

"Mello… GO TO BED!" L screamed. Mello took off the mask, and ran upstairs. "… you too Near… no revenge!"

L walked back upstairs. He could hear Mello, and Matt in the same room. 'Dammit' L thought. 'Tomorrow will be better… maybe,' He turned on his laptop, and started working. He was on a minor case. A drug lab was secretly working in the neighborhood. That was one of the reasons he agreed to look over Mello, and Near. L was feeling very tired after about two hours of working. Walked downstairs to see Near still awake. He walked over to the boy who was playing with his robot toys.

"Near… why aren't you asleep?" L asked calmly.

"Why aren't you?" Near shrugged. L sighed, and sat down next to him. He picked up one of Near's toys. He quickly grabbed it back. "Don't touch Ryouji," Near said sternly. L nodded, and walked back upstairs.

"Kids… now I know why Roger hates them," L said to himself. He sat down on the couch. He saw a video game controller on the table. He picked it up, and pressed the button in the center. The dark screen on the TV lit up to and Xbox 360 screen. He turned the game on. He played the game Call of Duty 4 for about three hours.

'This… is stupid,' L thought, and turned the game off. He curled up on the couch, and fell asleep.

"What the- oh it's a dream," L said to himself as he saw himself in a land of sweets and chocolate. Every time he tried to eat something it disappeared. Then everything went black. He then saw Light Yagami with a book. "L-Light?" He saw Light writing in the book. After forty seconds, he woke up in the fetal position sucking his thumb. It was morning.

"That's why I don't sleep," L said to himself. He saw Matt, Mello, and Near all up eating breakfast. Mello and Near pounded their fists together, and laughed. L walked into the bathroom. He saw drawings all over him. They said Nerd, Geek, and he had a drawn on moustache, drawn on glasses, and drawn on eyebrows.

"Damn kids,"

**Elmo: Elmo think he can't write L very well. **

**Sez: I actually agree with Elmo… very OOC. And a lot of filler  
**

**Bs: Bs…**

**Elmosezbs: Gee thanks… well sorry… Review please!**


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